DEFINED OR REFINED

Being part of such an amazing industry of entrepreneurs, my normal social and business circles include individuals who are pursuing dreams and working on self development constantly. 

So when I had a conversation with someone of a different mindset, it really took me back to a time before all of these amazing self development tools and resources were available! 




So, today's MONDAY MINDSET MOMENT begs the question: 
ARE YOU ALLOWING YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES TO DEFINE OR REFINE YOU?

It was immediately clear to me that this person misplaces responsibility for his life on everyone else.  Father was not supportive, he was unloving and a negative influence in his life.  Mother was tough, very particular about how things are done and her entire life is dedicated to keeping her loved ones right up under her.  Everybody and everything was designed to conspire against his happiness and success. 
The truth is his mom gave and continues to give him everything she could.  But, in doing so, made life almost too easy which meant he didn't have to take full responsibility for his poor life choices.  My resulting question was, "So what are you going to do to today to change your life?"   None of those circumstances can be changed.  None of your choices can be taken back.  The only thing you have is now...today.  What are you going to do differently? 

I received no answer from him, but the question of the day is, "Are you being defined or refined by your circumstances???"

I'm sure we can agree that NO ONE HAS AN IDYLLIC TROUBLE-FREE LIFE.  Whether it's a poor environment, mental health, illness, absent parental influence, physical or emotional abuse, bullying or any other number of all too common issues we can all find somewhere in our family; at the end of the day, we're all have the same options.  The power of CHOICE.

We could let our circumstances define us and place limitations on our life.  By accepting our circumstances as all that there is for us, we give them power.  The ultimate danger is when they take away our dreams and hopes for a better life.  Once we let them define us, we literally place a lid on our potential and hope for tomorrow.  No hope, no potential...we become resigned and destined to stay right where we are and, sadly, risk passing it on to the next generation.

As an alternative, we could ask ourselves "Are these circumstances what I want for my life and is this type of life what I want to pass on to my children?"  Evaluating our circumstances to determine which empower us and which do not, gives us the ultimate power.  The power to choose.  The power to grow.  The power to change! 

No, we can't change our circumstances. But by choosing how we respond to them and what level of influence they will have in our lives actually REFINES who we become.  Our circumstances can polish our thinking and mindset.  They challenge what we accept as the norm.  They push us to reach for something greater and they allow us to dream without limits.

Consider these examples of two stellar success who society had written off and from them, expected nothing but the worst. Yet, they were refined by their circumstances and have become great role models of persistence, perseverance, empowerment and dedication we would all do good to follow.


By all accounts, Tyler Perry had more than enough good reasons to lay down and accept the prospect of a horrible life based on his childhood.  Although he was plagued by sexual abuse and being labeled a troubled child, he never gave up.  Even when he was forced to live in his car while working on his dream of being a writer, producer, and actor.  He was consistent, persistent and never lost site of his goals. 
 
To Oprah, he recently described the overwhelmingly emotional moment when he was at the end of his rope after years and multiple failures to produce a hit stage play.  Praying in his distress, the Lord said look out of the window and to his amazement there was a line around the block for his first smash hit.  The rest has been history unfolding before our eyes...the first African American man to own his own studio with an expanding portfolio of comedies and dramas on the big a little screens.  What I love most is the motto of his studio, "A place where dreams believe!"


Another troubled child to success story is Ben Carson...Dr. Ben Carson to be more accurate. When Ben Carson was a boy, most people didn’t think he’d do much with his life. He was poor, he got bad grades, and he got into trouble a lot.
 
But in one way, Ben was very lucky – he had a mother who believed in him and pushed him to work harder and be more determined. With her support and motivation, Ben was able to overcome his difficult early years. And he has become one of the world’s best pediatric neurosurgeons!



My prayer for this Monday Mindset Moment is that cause everyone to pause.  Evaluate and tap into your courage to move past your circumstance to create the beautiful life you deserve.  I encourage all you to take charge of your life and live in abundance. 

On the heels of celebrating Fathers and the influential men in our lives, I would ask men to really understand the unique and vital role you play in our families.  You give your sons courage and teach them dignity when society would tell them otherwise.  You give your daughters a handbook on men, how they should be treated, that they are worthy of respect and not to accept anything less.  MEN, we need you to be the backbone and strength of our families and communities.  We celebrate you!

As we all grow and make each day better than the day before; let's remember that it's our responsibility to reach back and help someone else discover the special gift they are destined to share with the world!

This has been a MONDAY MINDSET MOMENT.  I hope that inspires, motivates and elevates us to think differently so that we live better, more fulfilled lives.  I would enjoy your comments and feedback.  Please feel free to post a comment below to keep the conversation going throughout the week.